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He liked me (from a distance) in school in 2000 but I’ve only known him (online) since 2006… although we spoke quite a bit, it died down and we only got to know each other properly in June last year. Then I finally met him in person in October and we’ve been together ever since.
It’s taken us a LONG time to get together as you can see but he makes me the happiest I’ve ever been. He feels the same and says I’m the best gf he’s ever had in his life (and he’s had loads) and that he’d die for me. He says he wants to marry me and have kids with me etc.
But I just have one issue…. before we met in person we spoke over the phone a lot and he divulged that he’d slept with 30 women. I know for a fact 5 of those were long-term girlfriends but I’m pretty sure the rest were one night stands. He’s only my second sexual partner. I lost my virginity aged 20 to someone who was four years younger than me and who I absolutely cannot stand now. Needless to say, I completely regret it.
We have loads of mutual friends including one that I’ve known since I was little, and he warned me beforehand that he’s slept with loads of women and that he had a reputation for being a bit of a man-whore.
I don’t necessarily have a problem with him sleeping around, it just confuses me. He’s a very insecure, clingy, self-conscious, sensitive, respectful, caring and sweet guy. He’s not a womanizer and he respects women. He treats me with such care and respect. He doesn’t like his body and it took him a while to let me see him naked. He says he was bullied in secondary school for being “different” and also his weight (he says he was fat) and couldn’t even talk to girls. I went through the same thing but whereas that shattered my confidence completely, it doesn’t seem to have affected him because he was able to sleep with all those women. I don’t get how he said he couldn’t talk to girls but then suddenly snapped and turned into a male whore? A few days ago we were talking and he said that he doesn’t have the guts to ask a woman out first, or even ask to buy her a drink… so I felt like saying “So you can’t ask a complete stranger if they want a drink but you can have sex with one…?” but I didn’t.
I don’t know if this is relevant but he lost his virginity aged 16 at a party to a woman he said “dragged him upstairs and had sex with him”……. I personally feel upset when I think that he was robbed of his virginity in such a horrible way… but maybe he was glad and just thought that he might as well just carry on having meaningless sex. He’s also said some things in the past that have upset me like:
“Are you telling me you’ve never slept with someone for the sake of it?!” (I haven’t, and although I don’t blame him for asking because I’ve never told him about my sexual past, it still p*ssed me off because it means that he has)
I also asked him once “Have you ever woken up and thought ‘eurgh’ to the person next to you?” and he said “No but I have woken up and thought “oh ****, I have a friend who really really likes you” – This angered, upset and disgusted me so much…. he would NEVER do something like this on purpose. He would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially his friends… so I just can’t comprehend my lovely bf doing something like this?
I just don’t get any of it at all. I can’t talk to him about it now, as I missed my opportunity to do so at the time because I was so horrified. This is REALLY affecting the way I see him… I just can’t keep wondering how and why he did all these things. I keep telling myself to try and take him for the person he is today and how he treats me… and it seems to work but only for a little while.
I asked another question earlier about how you can TRULY forgive someone for something in your head without them ever knowing? I really need to do this. I want this relationship to work so much. He knows something is bothering me and he knows it’s something to do with him but he doesn’t know what and he said it’s killing him inside. I’ve tried to break up with him twice (even though that’s not what I want at all) and he’s been in floods of tears begging me not to.
I just don’t know what to do. I want to be with him so much but I just can’t get past this.
I’m begging for any sort of advice whatsoever. Please.
Thanks.

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